Open letter to she-who-knows-it's-for-her

Dear you,

I am not angry, I swear I’m not. Besides, I have no right to. If truth be told, I’m only a little pissed off. But I know I’m not entitled to even a little of that. Because the greater truth is I don’t know what you’re going through. What might be aggravating to me might be sane to you. You’re the only one who knows everything that's happening. So I have no right to form opinions, let alone conclusions, just yet.

I told you, I have been pissed off (and like I said, I wasn’t in any position to). Because you don’t tell us what is happening. And we are growing worried by every hour we don’t hear from you. I am even more aggravated that you sometimes shrug off our worries, and act like nothing’s out of normal. In my mind, I bristle, thinking, how could you just brush aside our worries?

But there are only a few people in the world that I could not stay annoyed at. And you are one of them.

Although to be honest, I want to demand to be filled in on what is happening to you. It is unfair of me to ask that, of course. If you’re not ready, if you don’t want to, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s your decision still. Because it’s your life, and ultimately, it’s you that decide how to live it. It’s your prerogative.

And even though the only thing I want to know is if you are doing Ok, for my peace of mind, for me not to continue worrying, but I realize now that no, of course you’re not Ok. It’s really stupid of me to wonder in the first place.

The best that we can do now is to be there for you no matter what you decide on. Because that’s what friends do.

(Fair warning though, I am still prone to getting annoyed at you for some stupid things like not attending events you promised to attend, and not telling us why, but it’s only really slightly. You’re lucky, I love you.)

The thing is, when I remember that you are leaving, of course, I feel sad. But when I think deeply about it, I realize I don’t know what I’m feeling. On one hand, I think, it’s normal—people say goodbye all the time. I say goodbye to my parents and friends whenever I leave Naga for Manila. I say goodbye when I hung up the phone. Goodbye to you when we part ways after school. It’s perfectly normal.

On the other, I'm still sad.

But I think goodbyes are temporary. After saying goodbye, there’s a little phrase that comes after that often goes unsaid, “See you.” And about your leaving, that’s basically how I feel. That I might not see you tomorrow, or the day after that, six months after… but I’ll see you again. Definitely.

Love,

Me

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos." - Snoopy

Have you never thought, that if one says goodbye, they might say hello again in some even more lovely future time? I know I intend to, whenever I say goodbye. (But you're still awesome Snoopy; don't take it personally.) - Me