A phone call that doesn’t get through.

A sink clogged with grime and grease.

A soup too salty.

These were the things that made her head ache dully, along with the shrill falsetto sounding from her iTunes. Promptly, she hit the next button, and after a few seconds of silence, a random R&B song started playing.

“How do I breathe...” sounded her player, beginning a whole three-something minutes of self-pitying song.

And while How Do I Breathe by Mario was playing, she was also wallowing in her own head.

How do I breath, indeed, when my chest feels truly heavy as though it’s about to explode? I’m so sick of this feeling. Why can’t I do anything right, even when I try so hard to make it perfect? Are all my efforts never recognized?

A phone call that couldn’t get through.

She’d been trying for three days to call her mother’s mobile phone but all she could her from the other end was a series of cold beeps, and the line would strangely cut. Naturally, she didn’t want to think too much of her mother’s lack of response or her inability to, but when three freaking days had already passed with her mother still not communicating, how could she not worry?

And now she finally understood why her parents get so mad at her when she doesn’t reply to their text messages for days on end.

A sink that was clogged with grime and grease.

It was probably her fault that the sink clogged, but she would not admit entirely to it. Before she set to wash the dishes yesterday night, bits of rice had already been dumped in the sink so that when she turned on the faucet, the bits of rice fell into the drain. No doubt they were probably what caused the clogging.

As she was washing the dishes this afternoon, the water in the sink won’t go down anymore. And it was filled with oil too because included in the pile she was to wash, was a frying pan.

A soup too salty.

It was a common knowledge that she couldn’t cook. It wasn’t that she hadn’t tried, because she really did loads of times, but she was still a complete failure. But of course, in the first place, she didn’t like cooking, so what else could you expect?

Tonight, she tried to make another dish, after days of not having held a ladle. Yes, merely days passed yet all knowledge of cooking had been sucked out of her as if she had never been trying to learn at all. Tonight, though, she wanted to just surprise everybody with a deliciously cooked meal.

But maybe it was better if she never tried.

When she tasted her soup, it wasn’t edible—unless you would fancy living with a damaged liver for the rest of your life.

In the end, it was a waste of time, waste of energy, waste of money, waste of ingredients.

She shouldn’t have thought of trying.

So, how then, can I change this fate?

The answer is: she didn’t have to.

She didn’t even have to worry, for worrying will only deepen the worry lines on her otherwise smooth face. All she had to do was take it easy, and trust that everything will come out right.

And when she did just that, she received an email from her mother, fresh from work, explaining that she never got her messages in the first place. Also her dear older cousin arrived in time to unclog the sink, and make another warm soup.

All she needed to do was trust in Someone so dependable.

`Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.
to a future that never ends.

3.30. Living Room.

Good night, Mama. Good night, me.

This carpet is a little hard against my back, but no matter, sleep is inevitable at this time of day. And I think I just heard the rustle of Mr. Sandman’s pyjamas; he has been waiting here for hours. I’m sure he’s here to entirely extinguish this flame of consciousness and alertness I have left.

So good night again, Mama. This camping in the living room that we are doing is a bit weird.

Good night, Papa. You shouldn’t be sleeping yet, but heck, you need it.

Good night dear Paeng and Iking. It’s almost time for you to rise soon.

Ah, and good night sun-sama. Please don’t arrive yet—I know it’s already time for you to come up, but please, please, let me sleep and enjoy the dark for the time being.

12.00. Dentist’s Clinic.

I think I didn’t here that correctly, Sensei. Did you just say slice? You mean might tooth?! *gulp*

-

I think I’m dying, Sensei. It hurts, really. And I am not one to tolerate pain to begin with. I feel like crying right now. If only I could, I really would… I hope we could stop. Please.

-

My face must be really awful, eh, Sensei? You even thought to ask me if I was alright. Of course I’m not! But carry on, it’s your duty, and that’s why I pay you, right? So, even if I don’t want to say this, even though I might be lying, yes, I’m alright, Sensei. And go ahead, slice right through my tooth again. But I’m not sure I won’t make a face.

They’re right: time does not heal wounds; it only makes you used to it. And I think that’s what I’m experiencing right now. I think my gums are numb. All this pain, and it is intensifying—I can hear the sound of the blasted thing Sensei is holding against my tooth become more sinister, dangerous—but, for the love of all things holy, I can’t feel it! Perhaps I’m pretty much used to the pain by now. It’s been—what?—ten minutes since she started slicing my tooth, and thank heavens I’m still alive!

15.00. Bedroom.

I think I’m dying. Really. But I can’t. I have many things in my life that I still want to fulfill…

Ugh. It’s the time of the month again. It’s at times like this that I dislike being a girl. But when I think of it, if I wasn’t a girl, I wouldn’t be interested in Sherlock, and that would be unthinkable. So no, I have to endure this no matter what! Fight-o!!~

It’s during this time I remember to be thankful to my parents. Mama, for stroking my arms and telling me it’s alright, and Papa for searching a cure for the pain. But really, who needs reasons. I’m simply thankful to them for so many things.

And to God, I’m always thankful, for He brings me home when I’m in pain, surrounding me with people who love me and care for me. That, and for, of course, relieving me of the pain afterwards.: ))

I’m pretty whiny, aren’t I? At least, like this, I can appreciate better the pain that Jesus Christ went through during His passion. I think it’s not the nails that hurt Him the most, not even the crown of thorns, but it’s the sins that we did that pained Him most of all.

But when I think about it, the crown of thorns I surely can’t bear without crying, would I be able to save humanity with that? I think only Jesus cares enough to do that.

These are the things I'll miss, since I'll be leaving again later this evening.

Title quote from Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho).

`Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.
to a future that never ends.

Three days into the ten-day break, I am still as unproductive as ever. But if you count watching numerous anime episodes as productive, then scratch what I first said.

So far, I watched four episodes of Kimi ni Todoke, five episodes of Nyan! Koi, one-half episode of Umineko no Naku Koro ni, three episodes of Hayate no Gotoku!, and one episode of Kobato. That, and this week’s Hagane no Renkijutsushi (2009) episode—the thirtieth—and its first OVA release.

Also, I saw concert DVDs with my family. Yesternight was that of Eric Clapton and last Saturday night, it was Santana’s.

Talked to Mama and Papa last night on the phone. They read my second to the last blog post, it seems and Mama's a teeny bit worried. Asked if I was alright, and if my phone (which was acting out for a couple of days) was fixed. I knew I was okay, I don't know about my phone, though. It was working perfectly yesterday- today, who knows? Ah, such a fickle-minded little Naoki (my dear mobile phone's name-- it's an anagram of its brand :P).

Yea, I was alright already. The CS 123 exam turned out just as I expected it to be. And I studied real hard for it. Really, really hard. I hope, I pass the subject No, scratch that, I know I'll pass the subject. "I got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good, night..."

And need I say more that my life plan obviously doesn't include me failing any subject? I have written explicitly that I will graduate a regular student. :D

Ok, so this post is mainly a thank You post for the Divine Hand that made the impossible possible. Yes, Father, thank You so much. :D


And I hope You don't mind me asking for another favor, do You, Father? Anyhoo, I dedicate my passing of today's Chem 14, 14.1 exams and the back-to-back (yes, two) defense on CS 22. I hope I defend that Machine Problem correctly. I can't afford to let Axel (my MP partner) down.

But where else will I get the strength to reach for those victories, but from the Father Himself.

TQ!! , Father.

`Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.
to a future that never ends.

Awesome, my y!messenger contacts are still wide awake, probably cramming for tomorrow's exams, like I am.

The thing Tina told us in her agitated speech, I could not understand them. I didn’t know whether it was because she said it in a rush, or my mind just constructed a semi-penetrable barrier against what she just announced.

I continued to sing, although in the middle of the song, my enthusiasm died out. My classmates’ depression over the news was getting to me, although I wasn’t depressed yet myself.

And I sang:

I’ll fix these broken things,
Repair your broken wings,
And make sure everything’s alright...

-
-

This was the news: 13 people failed the CS 123. Apparently, I was included in that unfortunate group, having only graced 40% average for both lecture exams.

I'm watching anime when I shouldn't be right now.

There's the second CS123 lecture exam on Monday, Math 101 research paper, Chemistry lectures I missed and must now study in case there is a pop quiz on Monday... Laundry asking to be done... House screaming to be cleaned...

But then there's also the awesome Bakemonogatari that keeps me hooked, Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 asking to be downloaded, Hunter x Hunter waiting to be burned in DVD, His and Her Circumstances burned for me by my sensei... The possibilities are endless...

Plus, there's also an angsty AsuCaga fanfiction idea running around in my head for days now, begging me to finally pen it..

-
-

So here's what I thought I'd do: get off the computer, but keep it open, downloading anime episodes I am keen to watch. Right now, I must tend to the laundry, and make this house neat. Later tonight, I am going to study, and while taking breaks, I can watch the anime episodes I downloaded.

The fanfic will have to wait for later. Besides, I already have a rough draft of how the story goes in my mobile phone.

Sounds like a good plan?

-
-

And I can't resist putting an image of my current favorite anime on this post:


I started watching the series last Thursday... Right now, I'm downloading the 5th episode, but I cheated and watched the last episode first. It was such a cute fluff of an episode. Gave me the toothache.

Title comes from a Facebook application I took. It was the advice the AI gave me. Perfectly works for me though, despite it being random...

Also, image was only Googled.

`Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam.
to a future that never ends.